SEX: soul nourishment, the sexual shadow realm, and your metaphorical mask

(It says paid, but it's free) – Read this if you would like to explore what real and raw sex is. A long post, broken down into sections. You don't need to read it all at once.

Note: Written from the stance of my former creative project, under the pseudonym ‘selena’ — I’ve seen an upsurge of engagement on this post, and would like to thank you all dearly. I’ll be expanding on these ideas in my Surgery of the Soul series.

To you, the reader

Before you read on, it is of the utmost importance that I can connect with you, the reader. Therefore, much of this article is written in the form of a letter directly addressed to you. Much of it will resonate with you so absolutely that you will likely return to it on occasion. Many things will be put into a perspective that you may not have considered previously and lead to a paradigm shift that you did not anticipate.

It is good for me that I have typed this as opposed to writing this by hand, because when you write in this way it is inevitable that parts of your soul will bleed into the ink of your pen.

I begin this post with a sincere and heartfelt apology because I mean it. Actually, I will end this post with another apology that is bittersweet, but for an entirely different reason. For you, the reader, I’d like to make a statement that may be unfortunate, but you will soon discover it is regretfully true and resonant with you.

I am not entirely sure that it is your fault, and I do not wish to tempt you with the juiciest and most soul-nourishing of fruits – especially if you may never acquire taste of this transcendent succulence.

At this point you will be even more curious about what I am about to describe. By the end of this article this will be met with either an eager optimism or contribute to an underlying pessimism due to a newfound longing for such a magnificent and sublime experience.

I write, to you, from personal experience. I have been on both ends of the spectrum of the human condition. I have set foot in the sexual underworld and gazed into the abyss of depravity; this article is written as a personal letter to you from somebody who has embarked on the voyage of human sensuality. I write of what I have seen, I document my findings, and I write to you these observations in a contextualised form.

I introduce a metaphorical concept that will act as a frame of philosophical reference and will essentially frame not only how you view sex, but how you see the world and the people residing in it. To articulate the human condition in this way is not an easy task but I must admit that I experienced a cathartic bliss in my attempts.

With your consent, I will describe the purest primordial human experience. I will explore why much of this has been lost, corrupted, and safeguarded. But ultimately, I will describe how you too can experience this – of course, it is simple, but it is not easy. Nothing worth having ever is.

Sex is a warm and vibrant vanilla. It is raw, flavourful, and contributes heavily to the spices of life. To the external onlooker, it does not appear overly aggressive or violent, but it is chaotic and powerful. It is not unusual to shed tears after moments of unbridled joy.

 Sex will strip you of societal constraints, and it extends beyond mere physicality. It is an intimacy that will undress your soul to a vulnerable nakedness.

If you possess this knowledge and are burdened by the ailment of not experiencing it, or taste just one bite of this soul-nourishing fruit, then only a trivial semblance of living can be achieved.

You can experience this once, and you will wish only to experience this every time you have sex. I will warn you of this now. You will no longer be interested in trying to have regular sex often, you will not be hypersexualised like many in the modern day. You will wish for your new standard to be met every time you set foot in the bedroom, and regular intercourse will never be enough.

In this way, you will make a sacrifice. Nevertheless, beauty is an accumulation of sacrifices, and you will understand why I have written this to you. It will extend beyond sex because you will wish to live the optimal human experience in everything you do. You will become autotelic; you will seek much more than hedonistic pleasure in all facets of your life. This is the paradigm shift.

If you ever experience this with somebody, and you learn how to inspire this in others, I can only ask that you use this power for good. When this is done you will see just how frighteningly powerful it can be, and you will no longer question what it means to “capture someone’s soul” in the bedroom. To the good person, you will see that there is a burdening of responsibility when you wield such power over somebody.

There is an even greater burden in holding such power over yourself.

In many ways, this is an irresponsible post, so this is why I have uttered my first apology.

When you read this post, you will understand why you will never need to watch an instructional video, look for tips and tricks, or worry about trying to master sexual techniques again. You will understand why much of the joys of sex remain independent of these things.

So, with your consent, I will reveal your metaphorical mask. I will describe what it means to experience soul-nourishing sex.

If you will, allow me to escort you.

**but, i cannot guarantee that you will not come face to face with your own shadow along this path**

---

This is a long article and there are many different parts to it. I will elaborate on the reasons for this at the end, but I’ve even included a table of contents to ensure that you, the reader, can have a seamless reading experience. I am an advocate for fluidity, simplicity, and effectiveness so the content is structured chronologically for a logical build-up. It is ideal to read from start to finish, and it is the best way – but it is not necessary. Nevertheless, you can use this contents section as a frame of reference to return to and select the sections that pique your interest the most. However, I anticipate that when these words connect with you in such a way that you will eventually read this post in its entirety.

---

Contents

• Introduction

• What sex is not

• Your metaphorical mask

• Vibrant, soul-nourishing sex

• The Dark Continent; the sexual shadow realm

• TLDR

• Personal life update

---

What sex is not.

In this section I will dispel common myths and beliefs that surround sex. You will recognise your own experience in this section, and you will understand how many people fall into this false and soul-crushing frame.

I understand that some of you that read this will not yet have had any sexual encounters, but it is beneficial to read this because there are advantages to placing yourself in a conditional hypothetical, and you will still be able to relate to this – It will resonate with you regardless.

I begin by describing the scenario of your first experience and I delve into modern hypersexuality and how it has corrupted the perception of sex in the collective consciousness.

Your first experience

Allow me to escort you down memory lane; I promise the road isn't too meandering, but it's essential to reflect on your own personal experience. I want to connect with you. Everyone will have a different story about the time before losing their virginity if they have done so. However, there are recurring themes that are common to us all.

The first time, there was a mix of anxiety and excitement, but if you're honest, you felt a nervous energy. You had thought about it for some time, unsure of how you would perform. There was an eagerness to get the job done, and you wished not to leave this earth without experiencing it at least once. You wanted to know what everyone seemed to be so obsessed with, what they were always talking about. To you, it was important to feel this; a part of you didn't just want to complete the task, you wanted it to be good.

More importantly, you wanted to be good.

Perhaps you had prepared beforehand; you weren't about to go in blind. You Googled and browsed online forums for tips and advice. Maybe you're a visual learner, and you decided to commit to the bit because if you're going to do it, you may as well do it properly—you went ahead and watched some porn. You just needed to get a firm grasp, and hopefully, the rest would take care of itself in the moment.

You had an idea of what it was going to be like. You'd heard stories, seen glimpses of sex in films, and trusted that you'd probably be fine. After all, you've done hours of film study—for research purposes, no doubt. Yet, a deeper part of you picked up on a few things that you couldn't help but notice.

When you watch porn, you'll notice that the lighting is often perfect, the angles are flattering almost to an unrealistic fault, and the actors are really dedicated to the bit and their overwhelming pieces. There is a performative expression. But there is an unspoken air of kayfabe to this feng shui.

The actors rarely looked like you. Their bodies oozed of primitive sexuality. Every inch of their bodies seemed crafted to evoke a girthy lust. It was not just the angles. They seemed somewhat devoid of your own flaws. A part of you understood that it was not necessarily real, but this falsehood was your only real frame of reference.

There must be truth to this. Real sex must be similar. Surely.

You went into your first time, and it was okay. I mean, it was fine. But a deeper part of you thought, "Was that it?" You wondered if this is what everybody was so obsessed with. It felt pretty good. Perhaps it was an acquired taste?

But if you're being honest, many of your own individual masturbatory experiences weren't that much different. You could just do this yourself. The idea of sex in your mind was probably better than the real thing, but it's nice to do it with somebody else present.

For many of you reading this, it likely comes as no surprise when I assert that what you've witnessed in pornography is far from an accurate representation of actual sex.

But I must make it explicitly clear. I am doing so because I recently released a post about how it was possible to discern a person with a deep porn addiction just by looking into their eyes, and I was met with a horde of angry, disgruntled individuals with a palpable passion for porn. Nobody is this enthusiastic about attacking a viewpoint that has not resonated with a deeper part of them.

The post was tongue in cheek, as many of my posts are, and I deliberately removed nuance (because it is much more fun and exhilarating to post this way), but I felt the thunderous and explosive wrath of the goon squad, and they left a lasting and sticky impression on what I knew about the general public’s perception of sex. The responses to my post confirmed my suspicions. I had mercilessly penetrated their psyche.

I had realized that it was a common problem, but in my head, it was not a solidified concept. It wasn't until I read through the responses to my post and saw the profiles of the myriad of people who were upset by the post that I acknowledged how widespread the problem was.

The Porn perception

I'm not going to sugar-coat this. Overall, I am against porn. The position is reactionary because I have watched it, and I have witnessed its effects on people. Anyone who is truly honest with themselves will admit that if they have watched porn in the past, they have delved into darker and more degenerate forms to chase the excitement they initially felt.

This is hedonic adaptation, and it is the natural inclination of any human being for emotional regulation, so anybody who denies this is lying to themselves and to others.

I won't delve too deeply into bashing porn and detailing the psychological effects, but I can easily show it to you. If you have been on the internet for long enough, you'll undoubtedly have accidentally set foot in one of its dark crevices at some point – although, it might not have been an accident.

For me, this realisation came early, and it is why I am so familiar with this.

Around the age of 13, I discovered 4chan, an anonymous image board, and began browsing its adult boards with a blend of disgusted fascination and curious wanderlust. The anonymity afforded “anons” the freedom to expose their darkest thoughts, and I found myself immersed in the raw human psyche. I encountered images and videos that prompted me to whisper sincere apologies to any of my ancestors who might have been watching over me. But I kept reading, obviously.

The depths of the human mind were unfathomable; I couldn't believe that others entertained such thoughts. I started to consider the possibility that everyone harboured similar ideas, yet few were foolish enough to openly articulate them—and to some extent, this is true.

It didn't take long before I had read the most abhorrent constructions of sentences, watched the most disgusting videos, and had become witness to the most detestable images.

I would read anonymous threads featuring detailed stories of sexual abuse against people, animals, and family members. Yet, after finishing my daily scroll, I would go to sleep - quite peacefully. Despite my initial feelings of disgust and intrigued appal, I continued browsing the site. Eventually, the shocking content no longer shocked me. I was used to the imagery; I was familiar with the vernacular. In fact, I didn’t really feel anything at all.

Seeing these things became my new baseline. Hedonic adaptation.

Porn works in the same way – there is a lot of overlap in the degenerate diaspora. I have many things to say about what the depth of depravity looks like when you gaze into this abyss. I recognise when somebody is entrenched in this darkness. I know what it looks like when I see it. One look into their eyes. Just one. I promise. It is easy.

This desensitisation is the rule, not the exception. You see, with porn on a long enough timeline the type of porn that you view becomes more and more intense and egregious. The dopaminergic receptor theory is not exactly accurate, but it still is an excellent analogy as to what is happening. With more porn use, you need more and more stimulation to produce the same effect. In real life this leads to you watching more shocking types of porn. The pipeline for this will shock you if you’re not exposed to it, and it deserves its own post, but I don’t believe this is a point of contention for those reading this.

If you are not yet convinced, please see this short thread I posted with a video of what it was like to speak with people at a porn convention. Pay particular attention to the soulless eyes in the video, and you will see the lack of internal vitality for yourself. As I said, just one look. It is easy.

The tweet that necessitated this section.

Evidence for my venereal hypothesis:

Post on X: Here but you can also just search the full video “AVN expo all gas no brakes” on youtube.

This is not sex: the final verdict.

Here is a quote from the notebook of Leonardo Da Vinci, on the topic of the favours that nature bestows upon a love child.

“A man who has intercourse aggressively and uneasily will produce children who are irritable and untrustworthy. But if the intercourse is done with great love and desire on both sides, the child will be of great intellect, lively, and loveable.”

This is why I wrote about the perception of porn. This knowledge is ancient, it is not new, but I must emphasise this to you, the reader.

There is no sanctity in fetish. Sex is not overly violent; it is not embellished in kinks and penetrative toys. There are no hidden tricks and there are no special techniques to entertain your appendages. It is not inflammatory or tainted by an aggressive sodomy. Every inch of violent perverted corporeal penetration leaves a microtear in your human spirit. It is not merely a brutish physical endeavour. It is animalistic and it is primal, but it does not extend beyond the human vessel into furry members of the animal kingdom. Its essence cannot be captured in pixelated images and displayed through an animated veneer. There is no replica.

Excessive consumption of porn will leave this impression on your mind. This is the pipeline, and the imagery is everywhere. If you are on the internet at all, you cannot avoid seeing this. It is profoundly demoralising to your being, to the extent that it has been employed as a tool of psychological warfare by highly intelligent agencies – with significant effectiveness. It is unrealistic, but it has invaded the reality of the collective consciousness.

This is not sex, and that is the final verdict.

**except, this is not the final verdict. In your mind, you know that there is something else that resides within the shadows.”

---

Your metaphorical mask

This is the concept I wish to introduce to you. As you read this, you will resonate with it and recognize it in your own life. In fact, this concept extends far beyond sex, but I will frame it in this manner because as you delve deeper into any topic, things become more interesting to you, and you will start recognizing the interconnectedness of all things. The pattern of nature's masterpiece is transcendental.

"Persona, the mask, or image we present to the world. Designed to make a particular impression on others, while concealing our true natures." - Carl Jung, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst.

In this context, the mask or persona may resemble ourselves, but it is significantly influenced by the external world; thus, it represents a compromise between the individual and society.

To explain the mask and its importance, it is better if I can make examples of what it looks like in women and men today. You will recognise this in yourself because you are wearing one. You must. And for good reason.

The Woman and her mask

Throughout history, societal shame has consistently served as the primary regulator of women's behaviour. Its intensity is so profound, even today – that even the most “empowered” women would hate to admit it. This explains the meticulous scrutiny applied to a woman's sexual history (body count), body shape, and overall appearance. Wearing a societal mask is absolutely necessary for women, and not doing so is dangerous and demonstrably irresponsible.

It is dangerous simply because of the individual and societal consequences of not wearing one, the reason can largely be attributed to the differences in intersexual anatomy and biology.

This societal norm extends to the expectation that women must refrain from engaging in behaviours deemed taboo or unladylike. She must not be open about promiscuity; she must dress with moderacy and with decency and she must always exude class. Simple actions that men are freely permitted to disregard in public without much consequence. This is not a complaint; I completely understand why this is in place and I agree with it. But without this mask, reality begins to embody a different form.

In the absence of this metaphorical mask, only a handful of men can confront a woman's unfiltered sexual ferocity and look it squarely in the eye. Few men can truly grasp the raw sensuality of a woman, let alone comprehend its sheer magnitude and depth. Consequently, most men will never experience it for themselves.

Women may experience blatant sexual desire less frequently than men, but the depth of a woman's lust far surpasses that of any man. This distinction is substantial – it is not close.

**Yes. I agree. At least, this part is true**

So, in order to manoeuvre more safely in society, her true sensuality must be somewhat guarded. It benefits her to be particularly selective in displaying this, because throughout history, the process of pregnancy is not without its dangers—it is a vulnerable state. If she is going to risk her life to birth a child, it is crucial that she remains protected so that she can dedicate herself to nurturing her young and sustaining her own life. The child must be born with the genes and biological potential to thrive. She must select a man who will make this sacrifice worthwhile. The risk must be worth the reward.

The Man and his mask

Men, too, must wear a mask, and in their case, it takes the form of a frame. This frame represents the assurance of emotional control, stability, and strength. Men who maintain this frame not only exhibit internal discipline but also radiate an unspoken power—much of which is conjured in the imagination of those around them. The stone-faced man, revealing little emotion, often commands respect, and you cannot help but be somewhat drawn to him. It will make you curious as to what is behind the veneer.

It is the man who speaks with measured words, revealing just enough, that captivates attention; when he does speak, everyone quiets themselves to listen. This is the type of man in whom trust in capability is instilled. Such men frequently display power by showcasing self-mastery, speaking deliberately, with utter conviction, and controlling the tempo of conversations – they dictate the pace of the room.

It is not to suggest that these men do not experience emotion. Never dull yourself in this way. It is the opposite, and I often assert that some of the most successful and powerful men throughout history have been profoundly emotional—but seldom do they exhibit sadness, reserving such displays for selected occasions. Yet, when you stand beside them, you can somehow feel it. There is a blazing inferno that roars in their belly. This is what renders their maintenance of frame even more impressive. It demands respect.

Fire courses through their veins, yet to the outside world, they stand there—steady, unfazed.

They speak volumes, without saying much at all.

You recognize the truth in this, and you can envision how it unfolds in real life. This is how men showcase their standing in their respective hierarchies. The CEO is not the man who is perpetually "happy-go-lucky," chirping, smiling, and GIGGLING (oh no) in an attempt to make everyone as comfortable as possible. If he engaged in such behaviour, consistently giggling or reacting to every minor remark, he might be liked by his team. However, their respect for him would diminish with every unnecessary syllable that he uttered.

He is dedicated to a mission beyond himself..

For men, donning this mask is imperative to command respect. Wearing the mask demonstrates internal mastery, self-control, and discipline. As genuine intimacy between a man and a woman relies on mutual respect, ultimately, a man must also show that through his trials and tribulations he can still maintain this mask. A man must wear this mask for love.

Beneath the mask

Primitive rage, uproarious laughter, primal lust, and authentic expressions of sexual intimacy are states in which the psyche of a human being is laid bare and stripped to a tender nakedness. In these moments, the person sheds the mask, revealing their true self. Other signs, such as drunken inebriation and disinhibition, also unveil the person behind the persona. This is why these moments can feel so inexplicably good – it provides a euphoric cognitive relief.

The limbic system of the brain houses the amygdala and hippocampus (amongst other structures), serving as not only an emotional processing centre but also playing a role in certain types of memory processing. Reflecting on the times when you were most emotional in your life is easy; these moments are not easily forgotten. They are physiologically connected to your memory. The same holds true for smell, which is partially processed in the same area. This is why a single whiff of a scent can evoke very distinct and vivid memories of the past to come flooding back.

We have explored why the mask is so important and vital to functioning in society. Now we must explore the times in which you must take this mask off, and what it looks like.

Knowing when to set the mask aside is one of the most crucial skills you can acquire. Seriously. It serves as a fundamental strategy for becoming charismatic and allowing your personality to exude an aura of pure magnetism.

Selective vulnerability holds a significant allure for any human being since it requires courage to display it, and we are inherently predisposed to respect and be drawn to acts of bravery. It is the ability to reveal parts of your authentic self, in a way that inspires others to follow your footsteps.

Selective vulnerability carves room for passion, for exploration, for variety, for novelty, for excitement, and raw magnetism in the human condition.

“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.” M. Scott Peck

If you want to connect with another person on a deeper level, this is how you do it. Selective vulnerability will inspire courage and bravery in others to do the same. You have seen this yourself.

It’s that guy who is so authentically himself that people are drawn to him; he is so charismatic that you cannot help but be captivated by his aura. You start to notice that people around him begin to open up as well. Their behaviour changes in his presence, and they feel more at ease. They tell jokes they wouldn’t have told; they share personal thoughts they previously deemed inappropriate. He speaks to their being; it is magnetic and intoxicating. He blesses them with newfound courage, and a part of them feels relieved in his presence. They can’t help it. They like him because of how he makes them feel. This is charisma.

The same holds true for love; it extends beyond mere infatuation at this point. If you’ve ever observed a long-term couple who has stood the test of time, you’ll immediately see how this plays out.

Watch for the gleam in the woman’s eyes when she pridefully says, “No, I know him. He likes this. He wouldn’t like that. Trust me, I know him.” She demonstrates that she has seen what you have not seen. She is telling you that she has glimpsed at what lies behind the mask. This is her trophy. She has been rewarded with a peek at his vulnerability. He has trusted her with his most exposed self. She has earned this.

Women will go to unimaginable lengths for a man who has trusted his being with her in such a way. Although, he would be foolish to remove this mask all the time in her presence, just the occasional glance is more intoxicating than any earthly substance. There is no drug that is more potent than this.

For men, it is the same. This short poem will paint a much more vivid image in your mind than any words that I can conjure myself.

When a man has let down his own defences for a woman and in turn has seen her in her most raw form, he would risk his life to protect her, for she has seen him behind the mask.

It is genuine.

He will place the value of her life above his own.

He would not think twice about it; he would go to war for her.

He would kill for her.

He would place the world on his shoulders.

This is the burden of man.

It is funny, because when you break it down further – when men and women really see each other their primal instincts take over. Initially tumultuous and chaotic, the traditional roles of the masculine and feminine are transmuted from the abstract metaphysical form into real life. The man becomes protective, providing, dedicated, and strong. The woman becomes nurturing and will dedicate herself to nourish them both.

It need not be forced.

Through the chaos, comes order.

---

---

SEX

I’m going to describe how you can take this mask off for a real sexual experience, then I’m going to describe what that looks like.

Firstly, as a man, it will be your responsibility to lead this interaction and set the tone. When you know how to remove your own mask and maintain your dignity, she will be inspired by your courage and will reciprocate if she has respect, admiration, and sexual attraction for you.

I won't provide false hope; you must work on yourself, and the process is gruelling. You must express your capability as a man. This applies to various endeavours, but you must show your proficiency in a field that sets you above other men in the arena. Whether it's through intellectual pursuits like academic excellence, artistic endeavours such as recognized craftsmanship, business and finance demonstrated by accumulated wealth and status, raw charisma, or an unrivalled internal confidence. One of the most obvious and powerful ways is through physicality; having a powerful, strong body speaks to your personal attributes. You cannot fake any of this; she will see through it.

Ultimately, you must craft yourself into a man that other men respect. It's easy to say but exceedingly difficult to do, which is precisely why it is impressive and worthy of admiration.

Removing the mask can take various forms. It may unfold like this:

One night, you and your girlfriend engage in a conversation that transcends simple trivialities. You share your dreams, passions, and what motivates you. Then, you delve a layer deeper. You open up about your past, discuss your insecurities, and reveal the work you've put in, your perspective on the world, and the challenges you've overcome. The mask is split; you disclose your fears. Some of the things that you may reveal will be so abhorrent, so dark, and vulnerable that you would not believe it, if you were not the one saying it. In that moment, you cease to be Superman, yet paradoxically, the courage it took to share your darkest internal turmoil makes you appear much stronger.

For her, when she does the same, you must actively listen. She will share her insecurities, fears, intimate past, and disclose details about her sexual history. This is a make-or-break moment for many men because some struggle to enter this zone without exhibiting judgment. It must be judgment-free; you should at least act like you've been here before. She is testing the waters to see how you would react if she removed her safety mask and dove right in – she does not wish to drown.

Sexual past

One topic frequently discussed online is the debate about "body count" and how to handle women with a promiscuous past. I understand the concerns due to certain implications, but much of the discourse often misses the point, unsurprisingly.

There is no magic cut-off number (hence why the discussion persists, allowing content creators to make easy money). Paradoxically, the more you force this narrative, the more you will struggle to get any woman to remove her mask. Even with women who have no promiscuous past, it is a grave mistake to be overly emotional and judgemental about your viewpoint here. This is because she’ll recognise that it is within your character to lambast women in this way for their previous history. The experience of deep sexual connection will elude you, and it will be because of your own undoing.

What matters is her views on sex at the time she meets you. If she expresses her sexual past in a bragging way, that sends one message, and if she is regretful, that sends another. I'm not saying either is inherently good or bad, but these are factors to consider. If she views sex as a commodity and doesn't believe it is anything more than a physical hook-up, then that will come into the equation. If she yearns for a connection with you, that will tell you what you need to know.

You must recognise that people come with baggage. They have made their own choices, committed their mistakes, and hopefully learned from them. Just as you are developing your own life philosophy, so is she. You will find that sometimes the path to crafting your own philosophy is a grim one – it can be dark and sinister. But there is no light without darkness.

---

Now, I can describe what real sex may look like, but I don’t want to write erotic literature. As a side note, I'd advise that if you are a man, you can start to understand some of the internal circuitry of the female sexual mind by reading works from unpublished authors online - written by women, for women. I emphasise that it should be “unpublished” because once a work is published for mass consumption, it is heavily edited to sell as many copies as possible. There is some resemblance to it, and you can take away many key points, but it loses its authenticity and is marketed to the average hypersexualized consumer.

The authentic darkness and vulnerability of erotic literature is lost in mass publication.

The truth is, sex is a microcosm of the human experience. In that way, it will look different depending on the individual. It is chaotic, then whispering; it is aggressive, then soft. It is a cataclysmic whirlwind, and you will experience a euphoric bliss that will ignite your senses. Your neurons will be set on fire, it is blazingly electric. Each touch will be tantalizing and inexplicably tender, and then, for periods of time, you will feel nothing at all. It is not unusual to cry.

“Sexuality, like any other aspect of life, can be made enjoyable if we are willing to take control of it, and cultivate it in the direction of greater complexity.”

I have stated that sex isn’t overtly violent, but a quiet voice in your mind knows that this is not true all the time. In reality, because it mimics the human condition, there are aspects of sex that can express itself in the form of violence. There is a darkness, but it is not the same corrupted and insidious darkness that you see in the average hypersexualized individual and in porn.

I’ll describe two types of sex. The first of which is what I believe to be an experience that truly nourishes your soul; it will captivate your being entirely. It is warm. The second is a darker entanglement; it too can be deeply passionate, but it exists in the shadows.

Vibrant soul nourishment

“Sex is a warm and vibrant vanilla. It is raw, flavourful, and contributes heavily to the spices of life. To the external onlooker, it does not appear overly aggressive or violent, but it is dynamic and powerful. It is not unusual to shed tears after moments of unbridled joy.

Sex will strip you of societal constraints, extending beyond mere physicality. It is an intimacy that will undress your soul to a vulnerable nakedness. Once exposed, you will discover the optimum human experience.” - Me.

This type of sex is an emotional outpour, a burst of light that will illuminate aspects of your life you didn’t know were there, revealing things about yourself. Often, you will lose yourself in it, and you may not even utter a word. It can be completely spontaneous, occurring when the sexual tension can no longer be contained.

Intertwined in this growing sexual tension is our desire for belonging, to be understood, our longing to be cherished, to be loved. There is fear, courage, pleasure, pain, uncertainty, spontaneity, joy, loss, and comfort. It is the most intimate connection you can have with a human being. The expression is so pure and effortless that you cannot help but be carried away completely. You feel alive.

One feature of this type of sex is that you may feel as if you have experienced an orgasm without physically having one at all. You may also have many.

Your joy is so vibrant that you do not wish for the experience to end. Your mind is so focused on the task at hand that you are no longer in your own head; you do not have the capacity to be self-conscious, and you do not possess the bandwidth to overthink. You are completely immersed in the experience.

Sex is no longer a chore or a task to complete; it is not a rush to climax as fast as you can. You enter a profound state of flow. The activity becomes autotelic; you do not do it for a specific outcome; simply experiencing this ecstasy within itself becomes the goal.

Passion bursts through your loins, and you cannot help but feel the emergence of rhythmic, tantalizing convulsions. It is intense, and it lasts for so long, but in these moments, time ceases to exist. At least, it is no longer relevant to you. You do not feel tired, for your psychic energy becomes inexhaustible. You become autonomous yet entirely co-dependent; you explore beyond the limits of your self-centeredness.

The concentration required to bring order to your racing consciousness is easily interrupted by the utterance of a single word. You stay quiet, basking in the glory of the moment. But if you were able to speak, you would say,

“I cannot believe that life can feel this way.”

---

The sexual shadow realm

Everything that I have said to you thus far in the piece is true. However, the more attentive reader will have recognized that there exists a shadow that has tried to communicate with you throughout this post, longing to let you know that there is more, that it is there.

In this section, she is no longer gagged and chained, although she would not deny that she enjoyed being bound in this way. In this chapter, she is free. She speaks.

Where there is light, there is dark. This is a truism that extends to every facet of life.

Sex utilises a form of psychic energy that is neutral at its baseline, but it is dynamic. It can be light, vibrant, and constructive, but it will also exist in a darker realm. This can be so overwhelmingly powerful and intoxicating that it is easily corruptible – as I had described in my section on porn and the hyper-sexualization of the culture.

What I am about to say is undoubtedly true, but I would be lying if I told you that I knew exactly why it is. I have not explored the reasons why, and I am not sure that I wish to. But I know that it is. This is not speculation. I have felt it.

“The sexual life of an adult woman is a “dark continent” for psychology.” – Sigmund Freud

There is a dark sexual shadow realm that is more accessible to women, hence why this shadow speaks to you in the feminine. If you, the reader, are a woman, you will have felt that the section on warm, vibrant sex was good, maybe "ideal," but it is not often what truly turns you on all the time. Admitting this does not come easily. This portion becomes more relatable to you.

In the sexual shadow realm, such fantasies exist that turn everything on its head. You like to feel autonomous, but she loves to relinquish control. You love to be seen as a person; she loves to be objectified and used like a sex toy by a strong, powerful, and dominant man. Sometimes men. You nurture and care for those around you; she cannot contain her excitement by the prospect of surrender. You are delicate and considerate; she is fascinated by brutalising violence.

You love to feel free; she loves to be bound, gagged, held down, and forcefully choked. Perhaps she is restrained, but she is no prisoner. Do not be fooled - she is not a victim.

You don’t like to feel hurt; she licks her lips and savours every second. You feel squeamish; she yearns to bathe in the stream of bloodlust.

You like to see the tender, soft side of a man behind his mask; she is repulsed by him.

You are shy, insecure. She is wild, unpredictable, seductive. Your scent is fleshy, but her musk oozes with an aura of sensuality.

When she has sex, it is expressed in a dark and inescapable energy; it captures a completely new essence. There is chaos, destruction, ferocious rage, transformation, brutality, and bludgeoning. She too becomes primal and wild.

This is different from the fullness of sex that is soul-nourishing. She starves, and her appetite for lust consumes her.

I must make this clear: sadistic fantasies are present in everyone. They are especially present in women, and simply reading any erotic fiction literature written for women will confirm this to you. It is so powerful and so chaotic that it is easily corruptible.

You see this clearly when you encounter a woman who has lost control to it. She begins to lose access to her attributes of empathy, nurturing, warmth, and radiance. Her temperament is one that is untamed, reckless, and unpredictable. She is no stranger to psychological ailments such as substance abuse disorders, depression, mania, or hysteria. She is extremely thrill-seeking but even more destructive. She is often extremely promiscuous. Her ferocious sexuality will completely devour any man who is not adept at handling such a potent force. It is so consumptive that it will even engulf other women around her.

Men without experience are often shocked when they encounter this sexual nature of a woman for the first time. It is uncomfortable for them, especially for men who have been raised their entire lives to act in ways that are completely opposite to what she wants in this state. You can normally discern a man who has really had sexual experience based on how he reacts to this. They have learned you must never hit a woman, yet here in front of him is a woman who is begging him to do exactly that. They have learned that it is appropriate to be loving and tender with women, yet in front of him is a woman who would rather spit in the face of this, and much would rather he do that to her.

Men who are unable to face this will become confused, and sometimes angry, that he does not understand what she wants. He has been completely tamed,

and the domesticated wildebeest loses his will to beast.

Men too have a dark side, although it is not as accessible as a woman's is. It does not express itself in the same way, and it does not come naturally to men for fear of social repercussions.

But for a man to avoid drowning in a woman’s sexual shadow realm, he must become familiar with his, and he must garner absolute emotional control to tame it. For men, hints of this dark side are expressed in his day-to-day conduct. It is seen in how he conducts himself in competition, how he can demonstrate aggressive decisiveness. It is seen in domination.

Women tend to find enjoyment in watching men express this dark side. It is important to know that it exists. This comes in the form of watching serial killer documentaries, watching contact sports, watching them fight. There are few things more disappointing than encountering a man who is spiritually docile.

The rape of Proserpina - painting by Samuel Masse.

Here, Hades captures Proserpina to take her to the underworld.

She wants to know that should it be necessary; you can take her to these sunken depths – then demonstrate the strength to guide her back into the light.

---

CONCLUSION (TLDR)

In the end, there is a warm type of sex that is so nourishing, so vibrant, so passionate that you would not believe that such an experience is possible. Once you experience it, your standards will be set forever, and you will not wish to waste your psychic energy in pursuing anything less than this. It will change how you behave, and it will change how you see other human beings because of what you uncover about the human condition.

The metaphorical mask is very similar to the Jungian philosophy that depicts the persona as a mask that people must wear to protect their internal circuitry and regulate society; everybody must wear this mask. There are consequences for not doing this, and it rarely bodes well for the individual. However, to have sex that is beyond the superficial and beyond the ordinary, then you must remove this mask for yourself and see behind the mask in your lover. You must accept what you see without judgment and be able to be completely vulnerable with somebody.

There is also a shadow realm, a darkness that resides in each person because there cannot be light without darkness. This form of sex turns things upside down. It is aggressive, brutal, chaotic, and overwhelmingly powerful. Due to its sheer power, it is also easily corruptible, and this is what you will see in the modern hypersexualized culture perpetuated by media and excessive porn consumption.

Eventually, porn consumption will consume you, and it will pervert sex and grow your sexual shadow realm until you are unable to escape it. Those who lose control of their sexual dark side lead destructive lives and fall prey to their vices. I know this. I have seen it. And after reading this article, so have you.

Ultimately, to really experience the best sex life, you must learn how to enjoy sex that nourishes your soul, but be aware that the shadow realm exists and know when you should enter it. Occasionally, you will enjoy the chaotic and dynamic energy there. But you must also learn how to return to the light.

It is a mistake to completely kill off your demons. This will dull your spirit and leave your consciousness flaccid. You recognize this docility in people who have made desperate attempts to do so, and it completely removes exhilaration and thrill from the spices of life. Instead, it is better to enslave your demons and make them work for you when you call upon them.

“Sexuality, like any other aspect of life, can be made enjoyable if we are willing to take control of it, and cultivate it in the direction of greater complexity.”

You do not have to overthink, and in fact, as soon as you do start to think during the act you will lose the moment.

If you have got this far, Thank you. I mean this sincerely.

I made this a free post, but if you’d like to join for more in-depth analysis on topics seldom exposed to nuance then feel free to sign up to the paid subscription

PS: there is a tiered reward system for each friend that you refer, so if you enjoy this article and think your friends could benefit then please don’t hesitate to share it