(It says paid, but it's free) – Read this if you would like to explore what real and raw sex is. A long post, broken down into sections. You don't need to read it all at once.
Through my own sexual experience - not just what I’ve engaged in myself, but what I’ve witnessed at various sex parties (guilty) - I’ve come to subscribe more and more to the belief that sex is 99% what happens outside the bedroom.
As a man, yes, there is performance. In his early years, every young male has practiced putting a condom on so as not to lose an erection during the main event. Or quit porn to last longer. Or learned how to lengthen foreplay, be more dominant, etc etc. In the “scene”, you have men who know how to tie the perfect knot, how to apply the perfect amount of pressure to this or that body part, how to push a woman’s buttons in just the right way. Stuff you can learn, practice, improve. There’s a lot of pressure on a man to perform, and equally a lot of satisfaction when he performs well.
But how a man shows up to LIFE, how he relates to the world existentially, is, in my view, the core of male sexual energy. Mr Joe Sixpack, who has all the moves and makes a woman cum three times and squirt all over the sheets is nothing (in my view) to the man who carries himself as someone unafraid, untamed, grounded, and yes, connected to something dark (his “shadow”, death, etc).
Perhaps what I’m saying is obvious. But I just see the truth in it more and more. And as I’ve done this work myself, the hard work that takes patience, meditation, contemplation, I’ve found my own personal magnetism, and ability to seduce, to be far more effortless.
So you’re spot on by tying all this to the soul. It really is a spiritual practice.
P.S. - your writing on this subject somewhat reminds me of Jordan Luke Collier over at Ars Amorata. Have you read him? Either way, who do you tend to read on subjects like this?
Much of this becomes "easy" once you've done the necessary hard work in all other areas
Also, nope I haven't read him I tend to just think about how I can conceptualise the personal experiences in my life and write them in a way that I think people can resonate with, most of the writing process is sitting to think back.
I tend not to read too much in general unless there's a pinpoint topic I want to go over because I find that when I read too much I ended up adopting the writers frame of thinking which made my own writing a lot more difficult.
Thank you for this amazing insights into human sexuality and why things are the way they are. It solved many questions, and curiosity and also made me download substack to follow your work. You are an great writer. Continue with these insightful pieces.
You were right, I have saved it to return back to it time to time to remind me of the dark and light.
Your writing is so delicious and refreshing. Not the same old cultural moralizing or faux-empowerment. Porn--we all know in our subconscious and soul--it's junk food/artificially sweet sex. I love the emphasis on women's shadow side--we really long to feel that safety with danger and crave surrender. The masks are bang on. Can't wait to reread it.
Heinrich Himmler on How Bolshevik Christianity Spreads Homosexuality and Hatred of Women . . .
❝150 years ago someone at a Catholic university wrote a doctoral thesis with the title: “Does a woman have a soul?” From this the whole tendency of Christianity emerges: it is directed at the absolute destruction of women and at emphasizing the inferiority of women. The entire substance of the priesthood and of the whole of Christianity is, I am firmly convinced, an erotic union of men (Männerbund) for the erection and maintenance of this 2,000-year old Bolshevism.❞
This was a very good read. I feel like you've thoroughly explored/understood this area (not that it can be completely encompassed but ya know, the practicals).. and now the distillation is available for quick uptake by those with the taste and psychic fertility or thirst. thanks xd
If you cannot be honest about the sex, what can you be honest about?
When Arnold Schnitzel-wagger got caught impregnating his voluptuous maid, the tsunami of faux moral outrage swept across television and computer screens from people who have the slenderest claim to any semblance of fidelity or ethics of any kind.
Arnold couldn't admit he likes fat girls and Maria couldn't admit she was too anemic to get the job done anymore . . . After all, marrying into the Katholic Kennedy Klan should come with special social privileges, should it not?
Whatever happened to 'make love not war' or 'free love, baby'?
Did Arnie just miss the flight of the Lolita Express that weekend, or did Bill Clinton and Bill Gates have the flights booked that month?
Literotica is a good start and it's pretty user friendly. Some great, some not so great. You don't actually have to read too many, just have some idea and a good frame of reference and you're so far ahead of everyone else it isn't even funny
Thanks! Thats helpful. Im seeing almost everything written is very family focused--what are your thoughts on that? Is that the base of female sexuality?
I don't think so but admittedly I haven't delved too far into Freuds work on that aspect specifically. I could only really be guessing, but i think a lot of that is because of the thrill of it being taboo.
This is why the Bible is crystal clear on saving sex for marriage. We often here “don’t have sex before marriage” like it’s some arbitrary rule keeping us from having fun, but abstaining from sex until marriage is an incredibly difficult act of sacrificial love. If both the man & the woman can do this & save themselves for each other in marriage, someone they truly love & are willing to sacrificially serve for the rest of their lives, then the highest form of soul nourishing sex is the natural consequence. They can then enjoy the shadow realm of sex in a holy way, without the risk of being consumed by the seductive & demonic spirit of the dark side. When people try to step outside of this & try to experience this “soul nourishing” sex pre-maritally, then they are giving away part of their soul to somebody who is not meant to have it because they are not their spouse. This only leads to pain, shame, and regret. You’re saying, “I would rather give somebody who is not as special to me a piece of my soul, rather than somebody I truly love with my entire being & am willing to become fully one with. The rules of the Bible are not arbitrary. They are instruction manuals for the highest forms of holistic wisdom, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and fulfillment.
"... the highest form of soul nourishing sex is the natural consequence. "
This idea set many Christians up for disappointment when they had sex with their newly married spouse who they saved themselves for. For some, even years later, the sex is disappointing, sometimes still uncomfortable, for some even painful. Whatever it may be, that amazing, phenomenal, mind blowing, heart melting, soul nourishing sex they were promised if they only waited.... never happened.
Excellent post. I have a few questions and a ramble. I’d love to hear your thoughts. I wonder, if you don’t mind me asking:
How old are you? and are you married?
If you are: I’m curious how your opinion changed after marriage?
If not: how do you suspect longtime couples can maintain heat and sparks? To what extent would it be reasonable to venture into the dark shadow during sex? Where do you draw the line?
Also:
Righteous nourishment is the way, for sure, but for some complicated and deeply veiled reason I don’t yet understand, it does not bring along within it that deep powerful primal “dirty" lust. Nourishing sex appeals to the higher faculties, while animalistic kinks appeal to the lower.
As children, any semblance of primordial romantic emotion is always of the higher kind. It's only when we are affected by the alchemy of pubescence do we begin to bear the constant wave bringing us into this animalistic state.
Do you think we simply begin in the lower state and must ascend and remain in this heightened state? What makes you say it is advisable to descend here and there?
I like the idea of keeping the answer to some of those questions ambiguous
Not because of shame or anything like that - far from it! But because when I write I think it resonates with the reader from the frame of a silhouette. In this way, the reader puts themselves into the frame by themselves without external influences and the message is much more personal and direct.
At least, this is my idea of "silhouette supremacy" and I think it works well so far.
The children vs adult point is a very good one, and I wish I had covered it but I feared the post was getting quite long. I may have to release a few more in the future to really articulate it properly as it's quite a sensitive topic.
Why would I want to seek sex, that gives me such deep connection and has such deep meaning, in a strange woman? Or on a computer screen? Do I not fool myself if I do?
You have a good grasp on this idea. Well done Selena. I always enjoy reading that what you have to say. We seem to agree a lot on this topic.
This was great I read the whole thing in one go. I was too caught by the choice of the words and how much I was learning I’m going to listen to it again this time audio version. It was really good seriously.
I do have 2 questions tho. 1 being if a person did watch porn before you mentioned they have mircotears in their spirit. What is the procedure to restore their spirit if thats possible. And 2 killing your demons makes you docile to life. How would you reverse that if you did manage to kill them. Surely they can’t fully be dead right?
Also good luck on your exams, take your time we will be waiting patiently for your next post no rush just don’t leave us hanging late February
In reality, you won't just kill off an addiction, you'll replace it with another one. This is why you'll often see alcoholics who attend AA suddenly become obsessed with sobriety. The same is true for porn addicts who then become obsessed with "no fap" and complete abstinence.
A tough reality is to look up the relapse rate of both of these scenarios. It goes to show that if you try to just completely ignore it, then it will eventually come back.
You definitely can restore your spirit, but it'll come in the face of committing yourself to something more productive and becoming obsessed with it. An intellectual pursuit, or creative pursuit.
Funnily enough, that metaphorical demon in this case is addiction. It will always be there, but you have to acknowledge it and make it work for you.
Most of the greatest men in history wrestled with the same demons, this is why you'll often hear stories of their degenerate ways, gambling alcohol, drugs, sex etc. it is what makes them so successful, but it is because they have channeled it into other more productive things.
When people discuss their addictions with me - I consider them lucky to have such a gift.
So, the way to reverse the killing demons part is to be obsessed with anything?
I've always felt that having an obsessive personality is a blessing, since if they are able to control it, they can be obsessed about better things.
But what to do when I am not obsessed like these people? When my every step is anxious and cautious? Like a beast (who has experienced being primal earlier) has completely tamed himself due to society and parents and whatnot.
I think that I've killed my demons.
May you please suggest what can I do to not be spiritually flaccid?
Thank you so much for sharing your profound thoughts on this topic. It was always taboo to talk about sex when I was growing up. Coming from an immigrant household my parents were strict, which caused me to sneak around and build even more shame around sex and romance. I was sexually active at a very young age and I got lost in the darkness of my sexual shadow for years as a teenager and a young adult. I am 25 years young now and have been navigating my sexual healing for about a year now and have been intentionally abstinent for almost a year. It has been one of the most transformative experiences. My soul desired this for so long, and my sexual healing does not end here. I saved this post to continue to refer back to it. Thank you so much, this was beautifully expressed and written.
👋🏼 Hi love, I am Eleven 👁️🌀👁️ chatting about sex, death and psychedelics over within my portal “The Eleventh Hour” — grateful we are connected in this cosmic weave of make believe and combined letters of the alphabet.
Your post on X finally got me to download Substack.
What great insight you have crafted. I have experienced all of what you wrote about and the truth of the adaptability to the darkness and the beauty and purity of the light blaze through the fog like a lighthouse.
I want to share it with my son’s who have just started college, but I fear it will be misunderstood coming from Dad.
Thank you for the gift of knowing I am not alone when, after tasting many flavors, long for the transcendent.
I relate to the need to tell readers that they can (or should) just come back when they're able to digest it. I have that habit myself actually! With *this*, though, I read non-stop till the end. It just couldn't wait. It was so so beautifully written and just...it struck me in the best way. You broke down nagging thoughts and feelings that bred so much confusion in me that I just had to bury them and give up trying to understand at one point. I really loved the part about our masks and the pride we feel when we're let in; when we've earned each other's vulnerability and both handled it responsibly and with tenderness. Ugh forget that, I loved all of it. I wish you the best in everything you're taking the month off for! Many many blessings Selena. ✨ Thank you for your efforts, I'm so looking forward to reading more from you! ❤️🔥🫂
I've been reading your tweets for quite some time now and i love almost all of them (if not all), but your long form is on another level. Thank you for making this free for a bit. It was an amazing and insightful read. Loved every second of it.
Subscribed. Huge fan.
Through my own sexual experience - not just what I’ve engaged in myself, but what I’ve witnessed at various sex parties (guilty) - I’ve come to subscribe more and more to the belief that sex is 99% what happens outside the bedroom.
As a man, yes, there is performance. In his early years, every young male has practiced putting a condom on so as not to lose an erection during the main event. Or quit porn to last longer. Or learned how to lengthen foreplay, be more dominant, etc etc. In the “scene”, you have men who know how to tie the perfect knot, how to apply the perfect amount of pressure to this or that body part, how to push a woman’s buttons in just the right way. Stuff you can learn, practice, improve. There’s a lot of pressure on a man to perform, and equally a lot of satisfaction when he performs well.
But how a man shows up to LIFE, how he relates to the world existentially, is, in my view, the core of male sexual energy. Mr Joe Sixpack, who has all the moves and makes a woman cum three times and squirt all over the sheets is nothing (in my view) to the man who carries himself as someone unafraid, untamed, grounded, and yes, connected to something dark (his “shadow”, death, etc).
Perhaps what I’m saying is obvious. But I just see the truth in it more and more. And as I’ve done this work myself, the hard work that takes patience, meditation, contemplation, I’ve found my own personal magnetism, and ability to seduce, to be far more effortless.
So you’re spot on by tying all this to the soul. It really is a spiritual practice.
P.S. - your writing on this subject somewhat reminds me of Jordan Luke Collier over at Ars Amorata. Have you read him? Either way, who do you tend to read on subjects like this?
Amazing comment, and I really do agree
Much of this becomes "easy" once you've done the necessary hard work in all other areas
Also, nope I haven't read him I tend to just think about how I can conceptualise the personal experiences in my life and write them in a way that I think people can resonate with, most of the writing process is sitting to think back.
I tend not to read too much in general unless there's a pinpoint topic I want to go over because I find that when I read too much I ended up adopting the writers frame of thinking which made my own writing a lot more difficult.
I appreciate your comment!
Thank you!
Thank you for this amazing insights into human sexuality and why things are the way they are. It solved many questions, and curiosity and also made me download substack to follow your work. You are an great writer. Continue with these insightful pieces.
You were right, I have saved it to return back to it time to time to remind me of the dark and light.
Your writing is so delicious and refreshing. Not the same old cultural moralizing or faux-empowerment. Porn--we all know in our subconscious and soul--it's junk food/artificially sweet sex. I love the emphasis on women's shadow side--we really long to feel that safety with danger and crave surrender. The masks are bang on. Can't wait to reread it.
Thank you so much,
Genuinely
I am really glad you enjoyed it!
Heinrich Himmler on How Bolshevik Christianity Spreads Homosexuality and Hatred of Women . . .
❝150 years ago someone at a Catholic university wrote a doctoral thesis with the title: “Does a woman have a soul?” From this the whole tendency of Christianity emerges: it is directed at the absolute destruction of women and at emphasizing the inferiority of women. The entire substance of the priesthood and of the whole of Christianity is, I am firmly convinced, an erotic union of men (Männerbund) for the erection and maintenance of this 2,000-year old Bolshevism.❞
https://cwspangle.substack.com/i/138320669/heinrich-himmler-on-how-bolshevik-christianity-spreads-homosexuality-and-hatred-of-women
This was a very good read. I feel like you've thoroughly explored/understood this area (not that it can be completely encompassed but ya know, the practicals).. and now the distillation is available for quick uptake by those with the taste and psychic fertility or thirst. thanks xd
thank you!
Your writings are the perfect combination of amusement and insightfulness. Beyond grateful the algorithm led me to commenting on this substack xoxo.
thank you and welcome to the community!
If you cannot be honest about the sex, what can you be honest about?
When Arnold Schnitzel-wagger got caught impregnating his voluptuous maid, the tsunami of faux moral outrage swept across television and computer screens from people who have the slenderest claim to any semblance of fidelity or ethics of any kind.
Arnold couldn't admit he likes fat girls and Maria couldn't admit she was too anemic to get the job done anymore . . . After all, marrying into the Katholic Kennedy Klan should come with special social privileges, should it not?
Whatever happened to 'make love not war' or 'free love, baby'?
Did Arnie just miss the flight of the Lolita Express that weekend, or did Bill Clinton and Bill Gates have the flights booked that month?
Whatever happened to 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell'?
Where can you find unpublished work by women for women? Having trouble getting past the mass consumer surface level stuff
hey,
Literotica is a good start and it's pretty user friendly. Some great, some not so great. You don't actually have to read too many, just have some idea and a good frame of reference and you're so far ahead of everyone else it isn't even funny
Thanks! Thats helpful. Im seeing almost everything written is very family focused--what are your thoughts on that? Is that the base of female sexuality?
I don't think so but admittedly I haven't delved too far into Freuds work on that aspect specifically. I could only really be guessing, but i think a lot of that is because of the thrill of it being taboo.
This is why the Bible is crystal clear on saving sex for marriage. We often here “don’t have sex before marriage” like it’s some arbitrary rule keeping us from having fun, but abstaining from sex until marriage is an incredibly difficult act of sacrificial love. If both the man & the woman can do this & save themselves for each other in marriage, someone they truly love & are willing to sacrificially serve for the rest of their lives, then the highest form of soul nourishing sex is the natural consequence. They can then enjoy the shadow realm of sex in a holy way, without the risk of being consumed by the seductive & demonic spirit of the dark side. When people try to step outside of this & try to experience this “soul nourishing” sex pre-maritally, then they are giving away part of their soul to somebody who is not meant to have it because they are not their spouse. This only leads to pain, shame, and regret. You’re saying, “I would rather give somebody who is not as special to me a piece of my soul, rather than somebody I truly love with my entire being & am willing to become fully one with. The rules of the Bible are not arbitrary. They are instruction manuals for the highest forms of holistic wisdom, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and fulfillment.
"... the highest form of soul nourishing sex is the natural consequence. "
This idea set many Christians up for disappointment when they had sex with their newly married spouse who they saved themselves for. For some, even years later, the sex is disappointing, sometimes still uncomfortable, for some even painful. Whatever it may be, that amazing, phenomenal, mind blowing, heart melting, soul nourishing sex they were promised if they only waited.... never happened.
Excellent post. I have a few questions and a ramble. I’d love to hear your thoughts. I wonder, if you don’t mind me asking:
How old are you? and are you married?
If you are: I’m curious how your opinion changed after marriage?
If not: how do you suspect longtime couples can maintain heat and sparks? To what extent would it be reasonable to venture into the dark shadow during sex? Where do you draw the line?
Also:
Righteous nourishment is the way, for sure, but for some complicated and deeply veiled reason I don’t yet understand, it does not bring along within it that deep powerful primal “dirty" lust. Nourishing sex appeals to the higher faculties, while animalistic kinks appeal to the lower.
As children, any semblance of primordial romantic emotion is always of the higher kind. It's only when we are affected by the alchemy of pubescence do we begin to bear the constant wave bringing us into this animalistic state.
Do you think we simply begin in the lower state and must ascend and remain in this heightened state? What makes you say it is advisable to descend here and there?
Hi, thank you!
I like the idea of keeping the answer to some of those questions ambiguous
Not because of shame or anything like that - far from it! But because when I write I think it resonates with the reader from the frame of a silhouette. In this way, the reader puts themselves into the frame by themselves without external influences and the message is much more personal and direct.
At least, this is my idea of "silhouette supremacy" and I think it works well so far.
The children vs adult point is a very good one, and I wish I had covered it but I feared the post was getting quite long. I may have to release a few more in the future to really articulate it properly as it's quite a sensitive topic.
If I'm hungry I seek to eat.
If I'm thirsty I seek to drink.
Why would I want to seek sex, that gives me such deep connection and has such deep meaning, in a strange woman? Or on a computer screen? Do I not fool myself if I do?
You have a good grasp on this idea. Well done Selena. I always enjoy reading that what you have to say. We seem to agree a lot on this topic.
This was great I read the whole thing in one go. I was too caught by the choice of the words and how much I was learning I’m going to listen to it again this time audio version. It was really good seriously.
I do have 2 questions tho. 1 being if a person did watch porn before you mentioned they have mircotears in their spirit. What is the procedure to restore their spirit if thats possible. And 2 killing your demons makes you docile to life. How would you reverse that if you did manage to kill them. Surely they can’t fully be dead right?
Also good luck on your exams, take your time we will be waiting patiently for your next post no rush just don’t leave us hanging late February
Apologies, for a late reply to this
In reality, you won't just kill off an addiction, you'll replace it with another one. This is why you'll often see alcoholics who attend AA suddenly become obsessed with sobriety. The same is true for porn addicts who then become obsessed with "no fap" and complete abstinence.
A tough reality is to look up the relapse rate of both of these scenarios. It goes to show that if you try to just completely ignore it, then it will eventually come back.
You definitely can restore your spirit, but it'll come in the face of committing yourself to something more productive and becoming obsessed with it. An intellectual pursuit, or creative pursuit.
Funnily enough, that metaphorical demon in this case is addiction. It will always be there, but you have to acknowledge it and make it work for you.
Most of the greatest men in history wrestled with the same demons, this is why you'll often hear stories of their degenerate ways, gambling alcohol, drugs, sex etc. it is what makes them so successful, but it is because they have channeled it into other more productive things.
When people discuss their addictions with me - I consider them lucky to have such a gift.
No worries at all.
This was beyond helpful thank you very much.
Continue doing what you are doing you are changing many lives but you already know that.
"When people discuss their addictions with me - I consider them lucky to have such a gift."
Does that include video game addiction? How about an addiction to Youtube or Substack?
Just wanted a better understanding of this.
So, the way to reverse the killing demons part is to be obsessed with anything?
I've always felt that having an obsessive personality is a blessing, since if they are able to control it, they can be obsessed about better things.
But what to do when I am not obsessed like these people? When my every step is anxious and cautious? Like a beast (who has experienced being primal earlier) has completely tamed himself due to society and parents and whatnot.
I think that I've killed my demons.
May you please suggest what can I do to not be spiritually flaccid?
Thank you so much for sharing your profound thoughts on this topic. It was always taboo to talk about sex when I was growing up. Coming from an immigrant household my parents were strict, which caused me to sneak around and build even more shame around sex and romance. I was sexually active at a very young age and I got lost in the darkness of my sexual shadow for years as a teenager and a young adult. I am 25 years young now and have been navigating my sexual healing for about a year now and have been intentionally abstinent for almost a year. It has been one of the most transformative experiences. My soul desired this for so long, and my sexual healing does not end here. I saved this post to continue to refer back to it. Thank you so much, this was beautifully expressed and written.
👋🏼 Hi love, I am Eleven 👁️🌀👁️ chatting about sex, death and psychedelics over within my portal “The Eleventh Hour” — grateful we are connected in this cosmic weave of make believe and combined letters of the alphabet.
Your post on X finally got me to download Substack.
What great insight you have crafted. I have experienced all of what you wrote about and the truth of the adaptability to the darkness and the beauty and purity of the light blaze through the fog like a lighthouse.
I want to share it with my son’s who have just started college, but I fear it will be misunderstood coming from Dad.
Thank you for the gift of knowing I am not alone when, after tasting many flavors, long for the transcendent.
I relate to the need to tell readers that they can (or should) just come back when they're able to digest it. I have that habit myself actually! With *this*, though, I read non-stop till the end. It just couldn't wait. It was so so beautifully written and just...it struck me in the best way. You broke down nagging thoughts and feelings that bred so much confusion in me that I just had to bury them and give up trying to understand at one point. I really loved the part about our masks and the pride we feel when we're let in; when we've earned each other's vulnerability and both handled it responsibly and with tenderness. Ugh forget that, I loved all of it. I wish you the best in everything you're taking the month off for! Many many blessings Selena. ✨ Thank you for your efforts, I'm so looking forward to reading more from you! ❤️🔥🫂
thank you so much!!
You're very welcomee!!
I've been reading your tweets for quite some time now and i love almost all of them (if not all), but your long form is on another level. Thank you for making this free for a bit. It was an amazing and insightful read. Loved every second of it.
Wow